Gooses, Pups, Honey and Spoons

English 102 Journal Entry One

January 27th, 2010

Gooses, Pups, Honey and Spoons.

An army of snow came streaming down against the soft glow of the porch lights. Every pace past the thin window increased the anxiety of an invasion. A blizzard was upon my family again. Another trial to overcome. Only two yester-morrows did the ancient furnace of our home meet it's final demise. He died quietly in his sleep... or at least in our sleep. I did not occur to me our heat source had dissipated. Not until I met with the gooses stepping out of the shower. 


Gooses were not so bad, a hot shower was appreciated, their honking could be tolerated. For one night and two days life was quilts and sedentary activities and also healthy fats for calories to keep warm. We still had power and made due with space heaters in individual rooms. All was well with that but not for the young pup of the house! Bear is cheerful, expressive and strong of face and mind. He is my son. My beautiful son of a half and two years. The Bear roared and bounded and protected his territory from intruders! In other words, my poor neurotic standard poodle Rhapsody. Then the attentions of the mighty brown bear moved onto Willow Jesabella the cat... Poor Bella... She just had been spayed this day.


A new furnace is adopted into our 1960's craftsman style home... We enjoy the blissful heat, it warms out hearts and hands. then we feast on Pot Roast I had prepared in the afternoon. Suddenly the mines blast! !he soldiers bayonet our defences from the cold! The army has invaded... so the bloody power goes out... and the battle for warmth rages on  for over four and twenty hours!


We were eventually rescued by our underground allies and friends. They whisked us away to Raven's Safehouse and Sanctuary. I am safe here, my son is safe here. We filled our belly's with hot food and mead for mineown. Hunger and thirst quenched, Raven and I gave Bear a bubble bath that would of made a genies wish proud (if one ever wished)!  Then he guzzled down hot chocolate and marshmallows and fell asleep his face alight in the dark room by the tele.


Oh my sweet honeyed friends. If my friends are the honey and my tea is my life... Who or what is the spoon?


Sincerely,

Having fun with myself!

I am just having a dandy time sitting in my bed on my netbook with my son Bear while he watches "Martha Speaks" which is a really cute show!


My bestfriend Raven turned me on to Goodreads Books on facebook. It's really cool, here's a link:
http://apps.facebook.com/good_reads/home?container=facebook


Also found a cool new blog called a A Hand-Woven Life:
http://handwovenlife.blogspot.com/2010/01/free-basket-pattern-sites.html

Started making a cowl for Bear since he has only one scarf. Here's the pattern:
http://lionbrand.com/patterns/L0048.html?r=1

Oh and got a new kitty who loves to snuggle which I crochet, and while I eat and while I sleep, basically ALL THE TIME! I love her!

Start Spring Semester tomorrow!! I have my classes all lined up starting at 8am till noon on MWF. So hopefully I can get work done on TR and the weekend. No more partying for me, my break is over hehe.

I really need a new bed and to rearrange my room it's driving me crazy. I think it's very important to rearrange everything every season. Fresh start you know.

Also have mounds of laundry to get to and this kid wants a "samich" so go to mommy dash!

Love,

Anna banana fofanna

Finally...
the end of my grief...


It's about time too. It is exactly 2 months today from when we broke up and I can recognize that when I feel sad and think of him, I am not thinking of him. I miss being with someone, having someone to hold and comfort me when things are awful. When Toker (my cat) went missing a week ago, it was so hard and I was crying all the time. I missed Brendan so much and a good friend broke it down for me. What I would really be missing.. "Do you miss him now?", "NO!". I am just lonely. Now that my grieving period is over it is time to start a new chapter!


Falling in love with myself. Peeling away these layers are going to be way more painful then falling in love with another. I am not sure I ever have loved myself. At least in the way a person should to be happy and healthy. It's not so much a confidence issue, more... 
Let me give you an example of a dream I have on occasion that I call my Shadowman Dreams...

"He always comes and is a dark shadow, with arms and legs and lips. I always glow when I see him and feel deep down my need. It is always an embrace, a kiss, no more. But those embraces are so heavy and slow, dark and deep, otherworldly. I feel so completely and utterly loved that I feel it overflowing. It seeps out of my mouth, nose, my eyes, like mercury, I can see it glowing from my shadowed embrace. He loves me..." -by Anna Geller on 1/18/11

That's not true.. 

That shadowman is me.

I realize now, after loosing my third love, these dreams are my subconscious trying to love me. 

This needs to be a conscious everyday affair! But how?  I honestly do not know... Shouldn't this be an instinctive thing.. no... it is a nurture not a nature... why have I never learned until now, when I am 4 and 20 years?!

I close the chapter in my life that was Brendan. I open a new chapter..

Now I devote this blog to exploring myself. My true love. My shadowman... Me.