Unsent Letters - Attempt at Farewell

Dear Brendan,

I'm not looking forward to going back home from PA. I know it's going to be a whirlwind of Christmas with Raven, and then it will all stop still... Then I'll have time to think about you.

I think about you everyday, sometimes several times a day. I wonder if you think about me that much too... I somehow know that is not the case. But I guess it doesn't really matter. No matter what you do, it doesn't change how you feel... Hmm.. Sigh... I'm starting to cry for the first time since we broke up.

Maybe this could be a goodbye letter.. I don't know if it will be the last, but I feel as if I need to write you goodbye, and let you go.

I was ready to try. I was ready to say yes to anything you needed that I could give you. You were not. You said no to everything I needed. Literally you said "no", then that was it, somehow a switch was flipped on you and you stopped being mine, like you were only an hour or so earlier that same night and you promised to stick together...

I am worth more then that Brendan. I wish I could of realized that when it all happened and walked away from you with my head held high and said "Oh well, to bad for you". But I loved you so much and you know I feel things very deeply. It was devastating for me Brendan... and I am not sure I can ever forgive you. Even if it was the right thing to do for both of us, and as Raven said, you were very brave to do what you did! But that doesn't change how it happened and how you dealt with the situation. You lead me on... even if you didn't realize what you were doing. It still was incredibly shocking and intensely heartbreaking. Again, I am worth more than a blow such as what you gave me. A blow from the one person I trusted to love and care for me.

And I did try. I tried and tried and tried. It is my fault for letting you live with us, rent free, for as long as you did. I cannot, I repeat I cannot, get over the fact that you dumped me 2 weeks after you moved out. When I never stopped trying to make your life more comfortable and nicer and filled it with love while you were with us... You move out and can't try for me. Thanks alot... 

I am better off.  I am worth more!!!

Goodbye